WHAT IS LOVE? (1)

I remember when I bought my first car, a Honda Accord 86 model. I couldn't sleep for days after I sent the money to Don Zee(Zando) my cousin in Jos, to get me the cleanest car he could find. 

The day he told me he'd gotten it, my hysteria intensified. I was quite secretive about it at first, because my parents didn't have an idea that I sold their plot of land somewhere to add to what I had, just so I could own my dream car. I didn't care what was going to happen to me after that. All I wanted was to buy this particular car. 

I was IMPATIENT. 

I traveled to Jos, and after I saw the car, I fell in love immediately. Couldn't wait to get to Jalingo and surprise everybody. Damn, I wanted to show her off badly. 

On my way to Jalingo, two days later, the car started jerking as I approached Bauchi town. I didn't care, I was willing to fix it, so I drove into a mechanical workshop and changed the fuel pump and filters, then hit the road again. Blasting a Brenda Fassie audio CD on the car stereo. 

At this point, I was willing to do anything for this car to take me home safely. 

On getting to Jalingo, I had to drive through town before going home. I had to be seen in this new, mud-stained car. Oasis bread was on display against the rear windshield. Wow, I got all the attention I desired. 

Not minding her dirty body, I still felt comfortable flaunting her like that. 

I was in Love. 

While in Jalingo, I couldn't wait for any opportunity to drive out of the house. Even in my sleep, I drove around town waving at bystanders. There were days I dressed up, washed the car, and just drove down every street. 

Well, in the end my dad sent the car back to Jos to be sold. I didn't die. 

Now, when you meet someone for the very first time, and you think it is love, you may also have sleepless nights. Thinking about this person, talking about or with this person endlessly, and would not have the patience to meet this person(again). 

When you eventually meet this person, you would be willing to do anything for them. Because you think that for you to be loved, you must give something, you must sacrifice something, you must be taken advantage of. But how much sacrifice is the other person willing to make for you? 

In the beginning of every relationship, people are willing to take risks, like I did selling my dad's plot of land. Sometimes the signs are right there, that this isn't going to end well, but we lie to ourselves that NOTHING GOOD COMES EASY. YOU MUST RISK SOMETHING TO GAIN SOMETHING. YOU MUST SUFFER TURBULENT RELATIONSHIPS TO LATER ENJOY A GOOD MARRIAGE... 

But not with matters of the heart, unfortunately. 

We are willing to flaunt our lovers like they're the best in world. We never get tired of talking about them with family and friends whenever an opportunity presented itself. But are they flaunting you to others also? Are they always thinking and talking about you too? 

After all the risks, feelings, and money I invested in my first car, she still left me. She became someone else's love and may not even remember I once loved and risked being cursed, just to have her in my life. 

In essence, compatibility in relationships do not necessarily translate to a happy ending. 

Yes, onlookers will never cease to tell you how good you two look together. As humans are usually and naturally attracted to looks rather than other unseen attributes. But how much of that is love? 

As I did not hesitate to spend on my Honda when she was still fresh, we do same in relationships when it is new. At this stage, we lack the capacity to see all the dirt on the body. And we are willing to flaunt them with all the flaws, as long as there is fresh bread on the inside. 

I know friends who have never stayed a whole year without having to be in a relationship. They feel something is wrong with them when nobody desires them. They must be emotionally attached to another person or they will never feel emotionally stable. 

But is that really love? 

Can love be a one way traffic? 

Can two people profess to be in love when only one gives love? 

It is nearly impossible to be spiritually, emotionally, physically, financially, socially, and sexually compatible with another human. We always use one or just two to qualify compatibility. 

If you are physically compatible, there might be a problem of sexual incompatibility. Someone will definitely not be happy. So how is that love? 

If the sex is great, there is financial incompatibility. Sex does not pay the bills, so there is bound to be conflicts. 

I am not saying love should be without conflict, but that conflict usually sprang from problems not addressed at the beginning of the relationship. 

We usually rush into investing emotions because we feel this is our best opportunity, or that men/women are scarce, or we are not getting younger, so we must stick to this one. But this is how abuse starts. When you reduce yourself to accepting anything because you desire to be loved. 

Can it still be called love, when unhappiness abound greatly? 

Can it still be called love, when I am being used in one way or the other? 

Can it still be called love, when the other person does not feel what I feel for them? 

THIS IS A SERIES.... STAY TUNED. 

©JBZ_2020