FATHER OF MY SINGLEHOOD

 My old man always had something negative to say about all the girls I brought home. Gosh, he had an annoying way of going about it. My mum, on the other hand, had a Muslim upbringing and would always try to caution the man to zip it or respect other people's choices. (I'm not saying Christians do not respect other's choices)

One time, I brought a chubby lady home, he exclaimed in our dialect (Jukun) and said I didn't have plans of buying a good mattress and that I was going to use the lady as my bed. My mum pleaded that he zipped up as she was struggling so hard not to crack up in the presence of my girlfriend.

Another time, I brought home a busty lady and immediately she walked into the living room, my mum quickly turned to my dad and begged him to be nice. He got up and welcomed her with a bear hug while rolling his eyes at me and my mum behind my girlfriend. When my mum offered me the Fura da Nono (yoghurt) they were having, my dad dragged the bowl away from her and said, "he will overdose on this thing". Mum just got up and went into the room to pray for him(or to release the laughter in her lungs). After my girlfriend left, I made up my mind to bring home a model next time so he wouldn't have anything bad to say.

I found myself a dazzling beauty and brought her home to see my folks on the occasion of my mum's 60th birthday party. So when I walked her up to where my parents were seated to make the introduction, my dad had raised a bottle of water to his lips when my babe smiled to greet them. My old man choked on the water and started coughing profusely, I knew it was God trying to shut him up before he found something negative to say again but the cough got serious and attracted everybody's attention.

He managed to speak in between the coughing and said, " Jibo has finally killed me". I immediately dragged the lady away because I knew what was to follow.

"Did you see her corn-eating instrument(teeth)?" I heard him ask my mum in Jukun as I walked away. It was the first time I heard my mum shout JESUS that loud.

This man once told me that my girlfriend had brows like a man, and had the proclivity of becoming the man in our marriage if I married her. That he couldn't stand the thought of his son doing all the house chores while the wife sits and watches television.

On another occasion, he said her backside was too big and all my earnings would be spent on evacuating the soak-away. For heaven's sake!

Well, all these happened before he repented and gave his life to Christ. 

Sometimes we assume that the political candidates we support are immaculate and pristine because our shade of sentiment has blinded us from their flaws. 

Sometimes our destiny is actually tied to that flawed person the system has primed us to hate and see as evil or unfriendly.

Most times, we drop objectivity and choose primordially indigestible sentiments that end up landing us in more dangerous waters.

Religion has taken over our political space because we are too dull and ill-educated that we cannot practice the two separately.

Faith is an oasis in the heart which can never be reached by the caravan of thinking.

If I had taken my dad seriously, we'd have been enemies now. So why take those who condemn your political candidates seriously when you reserve the right to campaign for, vote, and return them elected?

Allow your opponents to do what they know how to do best, if you're not an incurable idiot, you must have a plan to also do what you know how to do best.

Insults and opinions don't win elections, strategies do. Just get your strategy in order and keep your mouth shut. Let the one with the best strategy win.

I need your prayers, friends; I'm planning to take another lady to see the old man this week. And this one has eyes like a watchman's torchlight. I pray he doesn't wear sunshades upon seeing this one.

#Photo_Credit - BALFA

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