MY WEIGHT, MY PROBLEM

 "Bros, na your mama be this? Good evening ma." Ande prostrated.


"That's my wife, you idiot." Bileya fired at his supposedly respectful friend for embarrassing his wife publicly.


"But bros, no be my fault, abbbeg. Look am yourself na. How you go allow your wife dey look like this, bros? You no dey try at all. I'm so sorry madam, this my friend's stinginess don dey reach your side also. Sad."



Two hours later, the friends met up at a bar near Green Beach and drank to what transpired earlier in the day. It was all staged to humiliate Bileya's unkempt wife. 


He was tired of telling Dooshima, his wife, that she had stopped taking care of herself since they got married two years ago. He placed her on a 250k monthly allowance for shopping, but she sits at home and orders junk instead.


"If she were pregnant or had given birth, I would understand. If she's not craving Ice cream today, it's Shawarma, Suya or Pizza. And if I complained, she called me 'stingy'. I don't want to imagine what she'd look like when pregnant." Bileya forgot he was drinking from a glass and gulped straight from the bottle.


"We are in a generation where the women are classy and try to look better than us, I wonder why your wife be looking like your grandmother while you always looked smashing whenever you stepped out." Ande continued to stuff his fat tummy with the roasted fish before him.


"Bros, this woman was not what I ordered for. She used to be very sassy and always "yabbed" my Ex for being fat and shapeless. Look at me now." Bileya didn't notice the chubby lady sitting behind him had turned and listened to his outcry.


"Do you think anybody would deliberately want to look fat and shapeless?" She asked, smiling.


The alcohol cleared from Ande's eyes when he saw her sheer size. He excused himself to go use the toilet.


"Well, in my opinion, no lady without kids should have a big tummy, and no poor man has the right to carry a pot belly. This should be Constitutional." He had to bare his mind even if he was going to take a beating for it.


"You have a point there, I have three kids and when my husband started whoring himself while using my weight as an excuse, I showed him the damn door. If I knew then what I know now, I would have watched the poisons I consumed in the name of "cravings" whenever I was pregnant. We just have a way of getting fat after we get married, it has nothing to do with kids." Her face dropped and she put down her glass of wine.


"I'm Yayama, by the way, from Kunini and I work with Google. Take a picture with me and show your wife. Tell her I make a fortune every month but blow half of that on drugs to keep me alive. She needs to do it for herself, not because you nag her into submission."


'Did this elephant just call me a nag?' Bileya cursed in his mind as he got yanked over to pose for a selfie with the pretty, chubby Yayama.


Ande stopped in his tracks and wiped his eyes to be sure of what they were showing him. He didn't waste any time fainting, when the camera flash revealed how his friend was squeezed between Yayama's meaty armpit.


©JBZ_2022

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