THE BALLS OF GRACE

 I was a pupil of Ebenezer Primary School Wukari and had called in sick that day, so my teacher visited our house to check on my health after school. 🤕



It wasn't because I was the best pupil in his class but I guess he just missed flogging my flat ass in class that day. Flogging me was a ritual he always looked forward to because I didn't know how to remain in one place for a long time. 🤓


So after my parents offered him a chilled bottle of Campa Cola, the elders got talking about other matters that didn't concern me. So I strolled outside to meet my siblings on the veranda.


Upon stepping outside, I found my teacher's old Raleigh bicycle leaned against a pillar. I tried my best to ignore it but the devil kept pushing me to mount it and take a spin around the neighbourhood. 🤷🏽‍♂️


As the obedient child that I was and out of respect for the devil who was older than me, I jumped on the rusty bicycle and asked one of my siblings to give it a push. 😇


"Push faster, you fool," I shouted from atop the bicycle that was taller than me. My feet couldn't even reach the pedals, I just wanted all our neighbours sitting outside to catch a glimpse of the Jukun Prince riding a steel horse. 🚴‍♂️


It was after I hit the gentle slope and my "pusher" let go of the bike that I realized I was fucked. 🚵‍♂️🚵‍♂️🚵‍♂️🚵‍♂️


My feet couldn't reach the ground and the damn bike didn't have functional brakes. I sped past many neighbours who all stood up to see what stunt I had up my sleeve.


At the end of the road was a tractor trying to make a turn, so I chose to use one of the vehicles parked beside the road as my ABS. 🙆🏾‍♂️


I went head first and slammed into the bus and then fell sideways. As I fell, I felt an exposed rusty wire on the seat of the bicycle poke into the skin of my scrotum. I couldn't scream because my crush was also among the people watching. 🙄


Well, some degree of damage was recorded but I didn't even feel a thing as I walked up the road pushing the beast that had just attempted to castrate and render me useless to my future wife. 😠


I can't really remember if the people by the road cheered or jeered as I walked towards my house. All I know is that some fell on the ground laughing hysterically like they were being tickled. 😐


As I approached my house, my siblings were all laughing with tears in their eyes. I was laughing and crying at the same time because my whole body was covered with severe bruises but I didn't wanna appear hurt at all. 👌🏾


As I was trying to steady the bike against the pillar as I found it. I didn't notice that my parents and the teacher were already standing there watching me. 🙆🏾‍♂️


The smile on my dad's face already told me what was to come, so I went in to pray and prepare for the inevitable. 😢


The teacher couldn't leave with the bicycle because the front wheel was bent and the tyre deflated.


I still can not forget what God did for me that day; as my old man started removing all the knickers and papers I had stuffed my ass with, he saw the blood stain. When he finally reached the source of the bleeding and saw what I had endured, he was proud of me. My torn scrotum saved my ass. 🕺


They took me to the hospital and I returned home a hero. I couldn't go to school for another week because of the soreness of the sac that housed my descendants. 🙌


The teacher kept coming to check and know when I'd be resuming school because he couldn't wait to baptize my recovery with another dose of the usual. 😒😒


To the glory of God, I got transferred to St. Mary's primary school the following week because my dear mother was moved there as a teacher. 😬


#NB - Do not let opportunities slide past you.


Do not stay down when you fall.


Do not lose sight of God, He will always save you from every impending calamity.


The scrotum is fine, by the way. 😒


©JBZ_2022

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

WHAT IS LOVE? (3)

Image
I once met a girl who seemed to understand me. She wasn't really pretty like that, but damn! She was smart. And there I was, suffering from a chronic sapiosexuality disorder, like a fly on honey, I easily got glued to her personality.  We could talk about everything, and laugh at the dumbest things. There were nights we didn't sleep at all, either chatting on BBM or talking on the phone till dawn. Either way, there was a strong connection.  We talked about the ideal relationship and what made it so.  We talked about the sacrifices, the struggles, the hurt, and the strong desire to make it work regardless.  We sorta knew why most relationships failed; LACK OF COMMUNICATION AND UNDERSTANDING.  The respect was on another level, we no dey miss each other's call o. Even if we did, the call-back was in a matter of seconds. Whenever I ran out of airtime in the middle of a call, I got an automatic top-up from her account. And I also did the same, when my poverty is on a...
Read more

WHAT IS LOVE? (4)

Image
When I joined active politics in 1999, my eyes opened to the three kinds of love that exist in politics... Genuine Love. Fake Love. Misguided Love.  All three are needed in the life of a real politician. You need those who do not love you because of what you give them, those whose love is for sale, and those who only love you because your face looks good on your campaign posters.  The first Group can be harsh in telling you the truth. Some of them will openly tell you not to waste your money, you will not win. But they will never leave your side no matter what, and they will never keep quiet either. The second Group will tell you all the sweet things you want to hear about your campaign, how the other political camps are scared of you, and may be planning to kill you. If this information does not attract any money from you, they will sell same to the other camp about you. They know you're not the one, but they won't dare tell you. Because the benefit of the lies outweighs the ...
Read more

THE COVIDIOTS (1)

Image
"This is your time, sir. Your hour of glory has come, and we must utilize every aspect of this misfortune to grow your fortune." Chief of Staff to the President whispered into his ears as they walked towards the Exco chamber, where all the 36 State governors and Federal Ministers waited for a very important meeting.  #Sule, was a controversial political science lecture at the Federal University Kashere, in Gombe State. His extreme political views against the last administration led to his sacking by the same government he victimized, his publications on social media and the print media played a vital role in the failed reelection bid of former President Ginlok Johnny. Because his followers believed he spoke the truth to authority without fear. They blindly endorsed his candidate of choice in the following presidential election without thinking twice.  His appointment as CoS to President #Mamman Bukar did not come as a surprise to the followers of political happenings in the c...
Read more